On a happy note, I have made it into nursing school. My life has changed forever since I have been accepted. My life has officially begun again and I am on my way to my ultimate dream.
Shortly after school started, my Grandmother suddenly passed away this past October. She was my hero and best friend. My heart has been crumbled into a million pieces. She was found on the floor of her house, where she evidently passed away while changing out of her church clothes.
Then, just this year and seven months later, my father unexpectedly passed away. He was also my best friend, my everything. My mother found him in bed, passed away from sudden cardiac death. The millions of crumbled pieces of my heart have quickly turned into ash, and I feel as if nothing can restore my heart again.
Nursing school is a struggle of survival and illness is extremely difficult to deal with, but nothing is as difficult than losing practically your whole world within 7 short months of each other. Thank God for my mother. I do not know what I would do without her hand to hold for support.
Every day in nursing school is a battle, you must fight for your passion. For me, on top of the nursing school stress, I am fighting grief, mourning, and depression every day. I am trying everything I can to stay focused, determined, and unstoppable, though life is trying hard to slow me down.
My grandmother was a nurse. She was an amazing nurse and if I could be half the nurse she turned out to be my life would be full. She was so proud of me for continuing on my journey and not giving up. She was one of my biggest cheerleaders. I miss our 3-hour talks every weekend.
What got me going back to school after my illness was my father. We took him to the ER with severe flu symptoms, but the ER sent him home. About two days later he got worse at home, so I took him back to the ER. They had missed his problem on the first visit. He ended up having a ruptured appendix with bowel obstruction and collapsed lungs form all of the abdominal fluid build-up. He needed emergency surgery, but they said that they would have to infuse him with sodium and potassium first or he would die on the operating table. I have never been so scared. Dad and I prayed together that night before surgery, and though he never knew, I cried myself to sleep with the thought that I might lose him.
He made it through the surgery just fine, and until he died this summer we had him for 2 more years after that incidence. Two years I will always love and cherish forever. He was in the hospital for 9 days, and I did not leave his side the entire time. I remember one of the last days in the hospital Dad called me over to his bed. I stood there at his bedside, he grabbed my hand, and he told me, "You have cared for me so much since I have been in the hospital. You have even cleaned every corner of this room. I know you have been sick, but you were born to be a nurse. I can see you come back to life when you are helping me here. It is time for you to go back to school and do what you were born to do."
I will always remember his face telling me that. I will always remember the hope he had in me to finish. I will always remember holding his hand, and keep that feeling alive in me as I continue on in this world's journey without him.
Nursing school has always been my passion, but I am doing this for more than just me, I am doing it for my grandmother and father, and most importantly, God.
They say that there are two of the most important days of your life: the day you are born and the day you figure out why. I am blessed to know my calling and to have two of the best guardian angels I know looking out over me throughout my life.
There has been a bible verse that has been helping me keep my faith alive and my spirit uplifted. It has become a comfort during this difficult time:
No matter the circumstance, we must move on, have faith, and keep our spirits alive. Believe in love, believe in life, and believe that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (One of my grandmother's favorite verses.)
"I thank you God, for most this amazing day."
May the Lord bless and keep you,
*TODAY'S HAPPY THOUGHT: Helping Others
(It's what nursing, and life, is all about.) Go and do a good deed for someone this week. Whether it be a volunteer job for four hours in a soup kitchen or paying for the person's coffee behind you in line, you never know when you might just change someone's life.
