My journals mean the world to me. It is amazing to see how much I have grown in my writing since my first notebook too. I have gone from writing, "I like my cat, the end," to writing about my life and experiences in depth. It's really neat.
Ladies and gentlemen, my notebook shelf:
So, welcome to my blog! I hope you can enjoy it, and maybe even get some help from it. I am writing this blog because I am going through a rather rough time right now, and I want to share my experiences so I can maybe help someone. Nobody is ever truly alone, and my posts are about reaching out to make sure no one is.
First let me tell you a bit about myself. Growing up I have always been sensitive and compassionate. I put my whole heart into everything that I do, and I learned from a young age that helping people was the one thing to which I aspire. That was when I decided I was born to be a nurse.
I was very active. I took ballet, tap, jazz, soccer, gymnastics, swim team, theatre, and band. I love immersing myself into random activities! In high school I was in jazz band, concert band, and marching band. The saxophone is my life! I made straight A's and received special honors because of my grades. I have been blessed to travel the world to Hawaii, Mexico, England, Spain, France, The Galapagos Islands, Puerto Rico, and Italy. I was a part of the Children's Shelter Teen Board at a local shelter, was in Beta club and Spanish club, and was a Teen Volunteer at a local hospital. The world was grand, and life was so effortless then.
It wasn't until my freshman year of college that I started getting very sick. It took the doctors just under a year to figure out I had a diseased gallbladder. I tried to tell everyone that I was ill, but the doctors told me that I had anxiety and depression and placed me on Ativan and Zoloft, which only made me feel even worse. Once the surgery was complete the surgeon said to me, "I have never seen so many gallstones out of all my years of surgeries." When you can't get the help you need because nobody believes you are sick, you begin to lose faith in healthcare.
I was not feeling sick recently until the beginning of January last year. I went through the same thing again. No one believed that I was ill and they handed me cards to mental health specialists and prescribed me anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications. It is so frustrating trying to tell people the way you feel. I feel like a baby, I try to tell everyone what is wrong, but all they hear is crying.
Fourteen doctors and one year later, thousands of dollars in debt from procedures, I finally found a rheumatologist that has been able to pinpoint what is wrong. I have an inflammatory condition, mainly in my chest, but that now spans throughout my entire body since the condition went undiagnosed for a year. Also because of this fact, I now have a nerve problem that spans throughout my entire body. I hurt every moment of everyday, and it is because of inflammation pain which then causes abnormal firing of the nerves that can last for minutes to days, since nerve cells have long-term memory. If I do something strenuous today, I will feel it for about three days. It's exhausting, and one of the symptoms that goes along with this condition is extreme fatigue, so I am always too tired to do much. It is even exhausting writing this entry. I feel trapped inside my own body. No one can tell that I am sick. If you saw me on the street you would swear there was nothing wrong with me. I don't have a condition that causes me to have dark circles under my eyes, or have yellow skin, or causes any apparent physical trauma. I look like a healthy 23 year old girl. That's probably what makes it the hardest to live with.
This past semester I had to medically withdrawal from my college program because I was so sick. I am not allowed to push, pull, pick up heavy objects, work out intensely, or tire myself out. So carrying books, moving patients, and doing normal college things were near to impossible. Even now at home I can't even push a heavy grocery cart, or even carry heavy grocery bags for that matter. It is debilitating. I know that this will go away in time, but it is so hard not to do anything. I have to heal. And I get scared. I now have an inflammatory cyst in my left shoulder, so the inflammation seems to be growing. I have plans to start all of these different regimens to help me out, but I wanted to post about these things so everyone out there can experience them with me.
I am not giving up on my career dream. I believe that all this is happening to me for a reason, and all I can do is take the experiences I have been given and use them to my best advantage. After the healthcare staff I have had to be around with this sickness, and even in school, I know what type of nurse I definitely don't want to become. So in a way, these might all be very helpful experiences indeed.
This blog will be following my day-to-day thoughts. I am also going to give you my honest opinion of the different medicines, regimens, and procedures I undergo. It may help you. If you have something I should know about that has helped you, please share! I want this to be informative and interactive!
So follow me on my journey to health, happiness, and love. It is more than just physical health; it's mental health. It is more than just having a good day; it's having a positive outlook every day. It is more than just loving others; it's loving yourself and your life.
Many blessings until next time,
Chelsea <3
*At the end of every blog entry I make, I have decided that I am going to post something that makes me happy.
Today's Happy Thought: PETER PAN
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