The reason why I am going through all of these therapies and trying new ways to reduce discomfort is because I have been diagnosed with two severe illnesses. They are not life threatening, but they are a threat to my quality of life, which is threatening to my life and how I live it.
I was diagnosed with an inflammatory condition that spans throughout my entire chest and upper torso. It affects my muscles, cartilage, and all tissues in my upper body. Doctors did not believe that I was physically sick; they thought I was mentally unstable because none of the tests they ran showed signs of illness. They referred me to psychiatrists and diagnosed me with Anxiety and Depression. Since it took the doctors over a year to diagnose my inflammatory diagnosis, the condition caused further damage to my body. The inflammation caused the nerves in my body to become agitated and damaged. (Nerve pain is the worst!) And since nerves are all over the body, the damage spans throughout my entire body too, causing me yet another painful diagnosis. One condition caused by the other. If it was not for my rheumatologist I would have never gotten the help I need. I thank him from the bottom of my heart.
This journey I am on is more than just a road to figuring out how to deal with my aches and pains every day. It is more than diets and therapies and medications - it is deeper than that. I am also having to psychologically move past the fears and resistances in my head towards a new life with my conditions. My whole life has been turned up side down and I've been questioning the direction my life is headed and if I am pursuing the right career for me. And more importantly, this has been a spiritual journey, one with dark and depressing times, where I did not feel God was there and that I was just sitting in the dark all alone. This illness has dared me to question who I am, what I stand for, what I want out of life, and if I am ready to stand up and fight for it. And until recently, I didn't have the strength, the faith, or the passion to care about moving on with my life and fighting to survive. But after some major soul searching and creating my own philosophies on life, I have become anew. I have had some major epiphanies. I know that I will have to live my life with these pains, and every day I feel something horrible and new, and it's scary, but I am accepting that and moving on. I deserve to live my life with happiness and joy, and no stupid illness is going to hold me back from my dreams!
I have definitely learned that I want to be the kind of nurse that believes in my patients. In nursing school they taught us that you should always believe that if your patient says that they're sick in pain, you should believe them. It's appalling to know that so many healthcare professionals don't concur with this training. And because of their apathy and business card handouts to psychiatrists, I now have TWO conditions that affect my entire body. Though it has caused me to be too sick to complete my senior year of nursing school, I know nursing is the career for me and I am going back to get my BSN degree! God has helped me through this illness, he makes sure I wake up every morning, and I believe he will help me use my experiences to advocate for and better understand my patients. I am using my illness as a tool to help others, not treating it as the end-all diagnosis.
I will be triumphant. I already am. Every step I take in the grocery store is even an achievement. (In the beginning of my illness's diagnosis I couldn't even go to the grocery store!) As I embrace my new body I embrace a new way of life, and I have a new positive attitude and some spunk that goes with it! Confidence is key, and I have full faith that my journey will take me to right where I need to be.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this journey. Through the good times and the bad times you have stood by my side and I appreciate it more than words can say. You are all amazing and I cherish your love.
Now go out there and inspire the world!
Chelsea <3
*Today's Happy Thought: OPTIMISM!
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