Though She Be But Little, She Is Fierce

Well, life has certainly changed in the last few months.

My grandmother passed away, then seven months later my father passed away. Both were unexpected and completely out of the clear blue.

I never met my mother's parents because they died before I was born. My father's parents are the only grandparents I have ever known, and I was unfortunately not able to know any of my great-grandparents. My father's father passed away in 2001, and ever since then it has been the Mom, Dad, Grandmother, and me show.

Now I have my mother. I am so blessed to have her as we battle the most difficult time in our lives.
And we are blessed to have our faithful, precious cat who loves our family very much.

I can honestly say that I have not been okay. I have been drowning and just trying to find the water's surface. Between the estate sale for my grandmother's house, cleaning out my dad's classroom (he was a teacher), financial obligations, my work, being a full time nursing student, and juggling the grief of my own along with my widowed mother's, all while trying to act like a normal human being, I guess the inevitable happened... I had a nervous breakdown.

I had a test right at midterms. I walked out of the test, I made it to the parking lot of the school, and then I began sobbing. Like ugly crying. And I did not stop crying for six hours straight. I realized I had hit a brick wall in my life. I needed to finally do what I have needed to do since Grandmother's death on October 5th, 2015.. take care of myself.

I decided to withdraw from nursing school two days after my nervous breakdown - before I would have been forced to go into some sort of mental institution for respite care from a psychotic breakdown.

It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my life. It is my senior year, and it was my first semester of senior year, and I had already made it to midterms. My grades were just fine, but I feared that given my current state I was headed to my downfall. What makes it all the more difficult is the fact that when I had to withdraw from nursing school the first time around due to my illness I withdrew at the same time as this year's withdrawal, during my first semester of senior year, but right before finals.

It's truly heartbreaking, but it had to be done. I could feel myself spiraling down into self-destruction, and it wasn't pretty. The blessing in all of this is that I was able to recognize that I needed this time for helping myself before I discovered this need too late.

I now have the beauty of time to rediscover myself and figure out what I need to do to find myself again. My grandmother and father were my best friends, my everythings. They taught me everything.. except how to live without them. Now I need to figure out how to live without them in this tragic new normal, just like I have had to learn how to live with my chronic illnesses.

Let me tell you, they definitely call it "grief work" for a major reason. It is the hardest job I have ever had to endure. It is physical, emotional, psychological, mental, spiritual work, and it is absolutely exhausting - a true full-time job.

I have extreme anger.. no.. I have extreme fury. If there is a word stronger than fury then that would probably be more appropriate. I feel like I am in some sort of horrible and endless inferno, and the worst part is I am in a nightmare I cannot wake up from.

When Grandma died I vomited the night of her burial. Instead of listening to my body's outburst of grief, I slept through the nausea. The next day I put on a brave face and studied for a nursing school exam I had that next week. I had school all the way up until I began my externship in the summer. At the start of my externship I lost Daddy. After that I had to clean out his classroom. From there I had to clean out my grandparent's house to prepare for the estate sale. Their house is 2 hours and 30 minutes away from my current home. So I would work a 12 hour shift, then go to my grandparent's house all the way up until the next day I would have to work. I did this all summer long. I began this semester absolutely exhausted. Between coroner's reports, family drama, nursing school drama, Grandmother's first-year anniversary of her death, and proofs for headstones, I had just finally lost all my senses and became a basket case.

I guess that is understandable. I am sure that not everyone would agree with my decision to withdraw. Sometimes I don't even agree with my decision, but it is just because I hate that I have had to make this decision. Sometimes I wonder, "could I have just kept pushing myself and survived all the way through to the end of the nursing program?" Honestly, I really, truly believe that withdrawing has been necessary to my survival. As my nursing professors told me, "Nursing school will always be here when you get back, but until then take care of yourself now." Besides, I owe it to myself to not just survive my way through my nursing journey; I owe it to myself to be triumphant and excel my way through my nursing journey.

I wish Grandma and Daddy could see me graduate and become an RN. Grandma is an officially licensed nurse through 2017. I am going back to nursing school next fall 2017, and I WILL complete my senior year and graduate in spring 2018. I will then carry on her legacy by becoming an RN in 2018. There will not be a year that goes by that one of us will not be a licensed nurse, and that makes it all worth it.

So, my journey continues as I search for myself again, reinvent my life again, and remember why I was placed on this earth. We never know when this moment will be our last moment, when this day will be our last day, or when we may lose the ones we love. So laugh with others a little longer than usual, hug others a little tighter than usual, and love others a little harder than usual. In the end, the actions that feed the soul are the ones that mean the most.

Shine your light always,

*Today's Happy Thought: RAIN

(As I write this entry I am listening to the sound of God's music, the rain falling amongst the pavement, grass, and plants. The rain is like a symphony to my spirit and brings me peace.)

 

When All You Got to Keep is Strong... Move Along

Moving on and moving along is often easier said than done. My illness has been a set back, but nothing could have prepared me for the life I have had ahead of me.

On a happy note, I have made it into nursing school. My life has changed forever since I have been accepted. My life has officially begun again and I am on my way to my ultimate dream.

Shortly after school started, my Grandmother suddenly passed away this past October. She was my hero and best friend. My heart has been crumbled into a million pieces. She was found on the floor of her house, where she evidently passed away while changing out of her church clothes.

Then, just this year and seven months later, my father unexpectedly passed away. He was also my best friend, my everything. My mother found him in bed, passed away from sudden cardiac death. The millions of crumbled pieces of my heart have quickly turned into ash, and I feel as if nothing can restore my heart again.

Nursing school is a struggle of survival and illness is extremely difficult to deal with, but nothing is as difficult than losing practically your whole world within 7 short months of each other. Thank God for my mother. I do not know what I would do without her hand to hold for support.

Every day in nursing school is a battle, you must fight for your passion. For me, on top of the nursing school stress, I am fighting grief, mourning, and depression every day. I am trying everything I can to stay focused, determined, and unstoppable, though life is trying hard to slow me down.

My grandmother was a nurse. She was an amazing nurse and if I could be half the nurse she turned out to be my life would be full. She was so proud of me for continuing on my journey and not giving up. She was one of my biggest cheerleaders. I miss our 3-hour talks every weekend.

What got me going back to school after my illness was my father. We took him to the ER with severe flu symptoms, but the ER sent him home. About two days later he got worse at home, so I took him back to the ER. They had missed his problem on the first visit. He ended up having a ruptured appendix with bowel obstruction and collapsed lungs form all of the abdominal fluid build-up. He needed emergency surgery, but they said that they would have to infuse him with sodium and potassium first or he would die on the operating table. I have never been so scared. Dad and I prayed together that night before surgery, and though he never knew, I cried myself to sleep with the thought that I might lose him.

He made it through the surgery just fine, and until he died this summer we had him for 2 more years after that incidence. Two years I will always love and cherish forever. He was in the hospital for 9 days, and I did not leave his side the entire time. I remember one of the last days in the hospital Dad called me over to his bed. I stood there at his bedside, he grabbed my hand, and he told me, "You have cared for me so much since I have been in the hospital. You have even cleaned every corner of this room. I know you have been sick, but you were born to be a nurse. I can see you come back to life when you are helping me here. It is time for you to go back to school and do what you were born to do."

I will always remember his face telling me that. I will always remember the hope he had in me to finish. I will always remember holding his hand, and keep that feeling alive in me as I continue on in this world's journey without him.

Nursing school has always been my passion, but I am doing this for more than just me, I am doing it for my grandmother and father, and most importantly, God.

They say that there are two of the most important days of your life: the day you are born and the day you figure out why. I am blessed to know my calling and to have two of the best guardian angels I know looking out over me throughout my life.

There has been a bible verse that has been helping me keep my faith alive and my spirit uplifted. It has become a comfort during this difficult time:

No matter the circumstance, we must move on, have faith, and keep our spirits alive. Believe in love, believe in life, and believe that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (One of my grandmother's favorite verses.)

"I thank you God, for most this amazing day."

May the Lord bless and keep you,

*TODAY'S HAPPY THOUGHT: Helping Others
(It's what nursing, and life, is all about.) Go and do a good deed for someone this week. Whether it be a volunteer job for four hours in a soup kitchen or paying for the person's coffee behind you in line, you never know when you might just change someone's life.

Sparkle and Strength

It is important to find strength, even in the darkest of times.

It is important to find the strength within yourself, no matter what the outside world tries to tell you, no matter what others may say about you. You are strong and independent. There is no one else like you in the world!

That is one of the messages of this blog. The reason why this blog's web address is Never Let Anyone Dull Your Sparkle is because I want everyone to shine from within. Never let anyone keep you from living the life you want and desire. It is our natural, God-given right to live and to love life.

Sometimes you can forget that though. People will try to bring you down. You may even feel down about yourself. For me, I felt like I had lost my sparkle and my world when I became ill. I wasn't sure I could ever recover; I thought my world was destroyed forever. But even through the rubble, you can build yourself back up, slowly but surely.

During the Soviet Union takeover from Hitler's Germany, many Russians' homes were burned and destroyed because of the scorched-earth policy. After the liberation of Soviet Russia, the only remnants of their homes were their fireplaces. These village people now had absolutely nothing, but they took the fallen bricks found in the rubble and ashes of their town and began to re-stack them. They literally began re-creating their homes from the burned up brick and debris.

Be the phoenix that rises from the ashes. Be the fireplace that continues to stand tall through the fire storm. Rebuild yourself with the bricks thrown at you. Never let anyone dull your sparkle, your hope, or your faith. Belief is a powerful force; putting that belief into action is an unstoppable force.

By my bed in my room I have that quote, "Never Let Anyone Dull Your Sparkle." I look at it every day to remind myself that every day is a struggle between good and evil, right and wrong. It is a reminder to fight for the good, fight for the joy, and to fight for the sparkle of life, which is the true beauty that makes life worth living.

That is my wish to you, sweet reader. Be a light, and light as many candles that you can every day. Smile at those who walk by you. Hold the door open for the person behind you. Laugh at a joke with a perfect stranger. You never know when you might just make a difference and spread your sparkle.

Until next time, shine bright!

 

*Today's Happy Thought: FLOWERS

          (Summer is here and the earth is spreading its joy with colorful petals everywhere!)

 

 



Note to Self: Listen to Your Body

Dear all,

I have recently heard some sad news and it made me want to write to you about it.

My mother's dear friend has recently passed away. It was sudden and shocking to everyone, but evidently the signs of her illness were there for months. What she had was preventable, but she decided to ignore the signs.

For almost a year she felt some pain in her stomach. She knew something wasn't right, she even made little side comments about it, but she ignored the signs. Maybe it is indigestion? Many people have GERD, so it's not a big deal, right? Wrong, but she just kept working and going about her daily life, putting others before herself.

One evening she started throwing up blood in the bathroom. Her son was there with her at home and he called an ambulance. When she got to the hospital it was too late. She had hemorrhaged and there was no fixing it. She had a bleeding ulcer that had become so serious that it had ruptured, causing such a large opening that it was beyond surgical repair.

It is such a tragedy. This woman was amazing, sweet, and compassionate. She was one of the kindest people I have ever met. The loss is very difficult for my mom.

I think this story resonated with me so much because it is so easy to think about others and the daily activities that consume your life, but often times you can forget the most important person running the show, YOU.

If my mother's friend had listened to the warning signs of her illness from the beginning she could have received prompt treatment right away and prevented the detrimental effects. But unfortunately she did not and the small, insignificant warning symptoms soon became major, intense symptoms of an extreme, irreversible problem.

When something feels wrong and it makes you take a step back and evaluate your body's health, you need to listen to that red flag and take action! Even if it seems like "no big deal" it can become one. So many people only decide to get help when the pain is nearly unbearable, and often that it when it can be too late.

This situation really makes me want to reach out to you and tell you something of great importance, IF YOU FEEL BAD GO TO THE DOCTOR. It doesn't matter about money, or whether or not you have the time to fit an appointment into your schedule, the fact of the matter is, in the grand scheme of things, without help it can be life or death.

Even though the millions of doctors I visited didn't believe I was sick, I knew in my heart that something was wrong. I am so glad that I stuck with my gut feeling until I finally found a doctor who listened to me and took action. Never give up on getting yourself well - it's a lifelong fight.

Remember to always think of yourself and your body. It might not always be so easy to put yourself first, but if you don't then who will?

May health follow you and may you keep a conscientious head on your shoulders,

*Today's Happy Thought: LETTERS (There is just nothing better than receiving a hand-written note via snail mail.)

 

Living the Active Life

So, as many of you know, one of my New Year's Resolutions is to incorporate an exercise routine into my daily life. Well, I have started, and started full force!

 

My fitness inspiration was found in one of my magazines quite a while ago. It was from a Nike advertisement and the words really resonated with me. My inspiration is the following:

 



 

 

 

I have an inspiration board in my closet and this ad is posted on it. It helps me to have a positive attitude because it reminds me that it is up to me to make the good, right decisions in my life, and so I might as well make the healthy ones now, both mentally and physically.

 

I think it is important for everyone to have a positive motivational image to keep them on track. It could be a quote like mine, or it could even be just looking at your child, making sure you are being the example you wish to be for your kid. Whatever your motivation may be, hold to it tightly. If your inspiration is a physical object, leave it in a place that will help to motivate you, like your closet, refrigerator door, or anywhere else you feel it would be appropriate. As long as you stay motivated and positive you can achieve anything!

 

I have been incorporating exercise into my daily routine by taking the stairs instead of the elevator and by getting up and walking around after one hour of sedentary school work. Small baby steps like these may seem small and insignificant now, but in the long run they can make a big impact!

 

 

 

One of the big things I have done is beginning to create an exercising routine every morning. I received the PointsPlus 5-disk Fitness Series DVD set distributed by Weight Watchers for Christmas, and this is the workout tool I have been using. I have been getting up early practically every morning and exercising for at least 15 minutes. Believe it or not, these workouts really make you sweat! Since I have been doing this routine, I have been feeling better in the morning and throughout the day. Before I had begun exercising, I had become somewhat of an insomniac, having horrible troubles being able go to sleep at night. I now notice that after working out in the morning, I am able and ready to go to sleep by the time I go to bed at night. My life is so much better already; I even feel better too!

 

This DVD set has beginner to expert level workouts, so it's great for fitness newbies like me! :) These workouts will grow with you as you progress into more intense workouts, so I will be able to use this DVD set for a very long time. It is a totally amazing product!

 

What is your fitness motivation? Do you have a work out routine that you use? I would love to hear from you!

 

Until next time, stay positive and motivated and I know that you are sure to achieve your fitness goals! Even baby steps are a step in the right direction and should be applauded!

 

Stay active and drink plenty of water,

 

 

*Today's Happy Thought: HOMEMADE SOUP

       (There is just nothing better, especially in the cold winter months!)

 

 

Welcome 2015!

Hello!

I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday season!

We ended up postponing holiday decorating until right before Christmas, so we are still very festive and have all of our lights up in the yard and every Christmas tree is still lit in the house. I am glad that we are continuing to celebrate the season! So many of our neighbors have already taken down every bit of festivity and their Christmas trees are already out by their trash cans to be picked up and thrown away. You know, there is nothing more depressing than the sight of a pretty green Christmas tree out by the garbage. We leave our decorations up until Epiphany, or Little Christmas, which is on January 6th. It's a tradition we have carried on for years.



Our Christmas tree this year. It makes me so happy! :)

As I sit here this New Year's Day in front of our tree, it makes me stop and contemplate the entire year and prepare for this upcoming 2015. There is much I have done, and yet there is still much left to do.

Looking back on my other New Year's Resolutions from previous years, I am proud to say that I have incorporated my plans into my life long-term, not just for the first few days of the year. That being said, I can honestly say that I am one of the strangest people that I have ever met: I have never lost a bobby pin, I always finish the tube of Chapstick until the very end, and I can actually accomplish my New Year's Resolutions. Pretty amazing, if I must do say so myself! *Wink*

I have been better about my diet habits and health habits. I am also making a conscious effort to actually put forth the energy into my appearance everyday. (I have not gone to school without makeup one day this semester - and anybody who knows me knows that this is a big deal!) I have truly accomplished so much this past year. I have gone back to school after a horrible illness (and I am pleased to announce that I made all A's this semester!!), I have made some great new friends, I am living in an amazing apartment, I was Maid of Honor in my dear friend's wedding, I have seen one of my best friends bring life into the world, and I have officially lost 37.2 pounds on Weight Watchers. It has been a big year! I cannot wait to see the positive changes this year will bring!

My 2015 Resolutions:

1) Be in bed at a decent hour every night. (No later than 12am, no matter what!)
2) Incorporate some sort of exercise into your daily routine - NO EXCEPTIONS!
3) Stress less. Don't let others stress you out or get you angry and upset.
4) Continue on with the Weight Watchers program.
5) Continue to stay current with journal and blog.
6) Leave situations and people of the past in the past where they belong. It's time to move forward and create new memories.
7) Put more emphasis on reading in the Bible and building up faith.
8) Get into a nursing school, and do everything possible to stay in it! (Diligence and dedication!)
9) Have some fun every once in a while! (Stop being such a hermit!)

A new year begins today. That means that there is a whole 365 days to better oneself, help others, and enjoy what life has to offer. Life is such a precious gift and we should be thankful to be alive and be able to experience the amazing gifts this world has to offer. Our God is so good to His world and people!

May love and happiness follow you through 2015 and always,

*Today's Happy Thought: NEW BEGINNINGS! (I always say to never live with regrets. If you learn from your mistakes you will never have to carry the burden of a single regret, you will only carry life lessons.)

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to every one of you!

Let's all remember the reason for the season, which is getting our loved ones together and spending time with the ones we don't often get to see.

Just think, some people may be alone today, or may not have any family members living. So if you are lucky enough to be with your friends and family, you have a lot to be thankful for.

I wanted to share this picture that I made. I was on my college campus and saw this gorgeous butterfly this fall. I then put one of my favorite hymns of all time on it called Sanctuary, which I thought was very appropriate for this holiday. This photo brings me happiness and peace, and I hope that it spreads a feeling of joy to every one of you.

May love follow you this holiday season,

*Today's Happy Thought: HOMEADE FOOD! (How lucky we are to have enough food to fill our bellies today, and then have leftovers for a few days after!)

Update : My Life Has Started!

I know I have not written in FOREVER, so this post is long overdue! I have to tell you all about my exciting adventures, and by exciting adventures I mean sitting at home and studying. ;)

I got accepted to college! And as many of you know, this is a major step after my illness! I feel like my life is finally starting again!

I ended up getting a small apartment near my school. They call it a "studio apartment" because it sounds so elite, but really it is just a small room. I literally have a room with my kitchen, bed, and desk in it; and then I have a closet and bathroom. That's it! And you know what, that's all I need. My life is officially simplified from my pack-rat ways, and I LOVE it! It's a really cozy little place right in the center of my town, so I have cute shops all around me. My building actually used to be an old workshop, so my floors are really old wooden floors, which gives a nice vibe. I wouldn't trade my apartment for the world!

While moving into my apartment before school started, I got hit in the head with a huge shelf I was transporting. I was driving my SUV with my wooden shelf in the back trunk and when I made a right turn it smacked me on the right side of my head. Of course it was the corner that got me, so blood was everywhere! It was a nightmare. I ended up getting a staple on the site of the cut, thankfully without having to shave off any of my hair. I ended up having to go back to the ER though because a few days later I ended up developing a 103 degree fever. No fun! So I was on "supportive care" and bed rest before school started, and it was torture! Receiving a concussion was not how I planned to spend the last bit of my summer and it was definitely not how I pictured beginning school this semester. But everything turned out well. :)

The more I live and learn, the more I am starting to realize that life sometimes just does not go our way and life can be unfair. In a world like ours we need to learn to be flexible and go with the flow. So, here I am just trying to manage... which is difficult for a perfectionist like me! Remember, health ALWAYS comes first! Even if we don't have room to pencil in "bed rest from concussion" into our agendas, you need to listen to your body and your doctors. In the end, it could even save your life.

As for school, it is going amazingly well! I literally have less than a month left of school, and right now I have all A's. I had no idea I had this kind of work ethic in me anymore. I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle all the school stress again, but I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I just needed school to see my capabilities again. I'm even carrying my textbooks with no problem! What a major feat to accomplish!

I applied for the nursing program at my school this semester and I take the pre-nursing test, TEAS test, in January. Fingers crossed! If I get in, I will begin the program next summer. It's so close! I feel like I am fighting for my life here, because nursing isn't just my career, it's my passion! I just keep telling myself that God will open the right doors for me for whatever path He decides is best for me.

I have met the most amazing people at my school, and I am so thankful that I have found such admirable, caring friends. It's truly a blessing. We have been each other's rock, and I love my new little family.

As far as Weight Watchers goes, I have been so busy with school it has been nearly impossible to make it to the weekly meetings, and I also have been slacking on my points counting. After about 2 months, I finally went to a meeting and weighed in this past week. Believe it or not, I have maintained! Though I haven't lost weight, I am proud to say that even though I have been struggling with school demands, I have incorporated healthy habits that cause me not to weight gain! But I am officially back to serious counting now. I think I can handle both points counting and school stress now that I am becoming more comfortable with my schedule.

I have missed writing to you so much! Let's talk again soon. I promise I'll be better about it now that I am acclimated to my new demands from school life. I really feel like my life is starting again and it's a wonderful feeling! I am so happy for you to join me on this journey.

Take care,

          
(New beginnings deserve new signatures, right?!) <3

*Today's Happy Thought: YOUR BED (There is just nothing better than sleeping in your own bed with fresh, clean sheets.) :)

It's Happening... Weight Watchers

It's not a diet - it's an eating plan!

Why it works: you eat everyday food! It's not like NutriSystem where you can only eat their supplied food. It is just you, going to the grocery store, going out to eat with friends, and eating a piece of birthday cake at a party. Because, let's get real, no one wants to show up to a family BBQ with a frozen entrée dinner you have to eat from your diet company. This is for real people with real lives and I love it!!

Looking back on my 2013 new year's resolutions list, I talked about how I wanted to think about my appearance more, and I have definitely done that. I get up and get dressed in cute clothes and actually think about what I am going to wear in the morning. But now it's time to think about a different type of appearance - my body.

Though most people cannot believe it when I say it, I need to lose 100 pounds. I am way over my BMI (body mass index), which means I am too heavy for my height. When you tell most people that you are changing your eating habits and need to lose weight, they say, "Oh no! You are beautiful! You look great! You don't need to lose anything!" (At least that's what I hear.) Well, truth is, I DO need to lose weight. It's not a matter of beauty or how you look, it's about your health!

Losing weight can help you feel better and battle illness, which sounds like pretty good perks to me! Over time, excess weight can cause joint damage, because your body has to carry around the extra weight all of the time, and it can cause heart/lung problems, because your heart and lungs are trying to keep up with having to carry the extra body weight. Plus there are many more issues that can occur. (Just turn on TLC and watch one episode of My 600-Pound Life. You will see the impact your weight can have on your health and quality of life.)

I have to literally lose almost half of myself. It isn't a vanity thing (though I will definitely look way better at a healthier weight!), but it is a health thing. By eating right, and knowing how to splurge on bad-for-you foods like cookies and ice cream, I know I can give my body the proper nutrition and still enjoy the things I love. Since I have been sick with my illnesses, it's time that I start taking better care of myself and be more conscientious about what I put in my mouth! Who knows, this diet change might not only better my nutrition, it may even help me to lessen the affects of my illness! :)

I started Weight Watchers on January 2, 2014. I lost 5 pounds in the first week! And now in the beginning of July, I am proud to announce that I have officially lost -31.6 pounds total so far! That's a lot considering I have only been on the program for 6 months!! I cannot wait to see what happens within this year!

So, -31.6 lbs. down, 68.4 lbs. to go! (That number sounds way better than 100!) I am so excited to be sharing my weight loss journey with you! Thank you for all of your support every step of the way! It means so much to me!

Until next time, go enjoy a yummy, well-balanced meal! (Grilled fish with zucchini and rice anyone? I'm obsessed with that right now!)

Chelsea <3

*Today's Happy Thought: SNACKEEZ! (It's such a simple idea, a cup and a bowl in one, but it is pure genius! Why didn't I ever think of it?!)

 

My Story... And It's Only the Beginning

Maybe some of you have forgotten what is wrong with me, or maybe you never knew, but I feel like I should tell you, because that is the whole reason why I have started this blog.

The reason why I am going through all of these therapies and trying new ways to reduce discomfort is because I have been diagnosed with two severe illnesses. They are not life threatening, but they are a threat to my quality of life, which is threatening to my life and how I live it.

I was diagnosed with an inflammatory condition that spans throughout my entire chest and upper torso. It affects my muscles, cartilage, and all tissues in my upper body. Doctors did not believe that I was physically sick; they thought I was mentally unstable because none of the tests they ran showed signs of illness. They referred me to psychiatrists and diagnosed me with Anxiety and Depression. Since it took the doctors over a year to diagnose my inflammatory diagnosis, the condition caused further damage to my body. The inflammation caused the nerves in my body to become agitated and damaged. (Nerve pain is the worst!) And since nerves are all over the body, the damage spans throughout my entire body too, causing me yet another painful diagnosis. One condition caused by the other. If it was not for my rheumatologist I would have never gotten the help I need. I thank him from the bottom of my heart.

This journey I am on is more than just a road to figuring out how to deal with my aches and pains every day. It is more than diets and therapies and medications - it is deeper than that. I am also having to psychologically move past the fears and resistances in my head towards a new life with my conditions. My whole life has been turned up side down and I've been questioning the direction my life is headed and if I am pursuing the right career for me. And more importantly, this has been a spiritual journey, one with dark and depressing times, where I did not feel God was there and that I was just sitting in the dark all alone. This illness has dared me to question who I am, what I stand for, what I want out of life, and if I am ready to stand up and fight for it. And until recently, I didn't have the strength, the faith, or the passion to care about moving on with my life and fighting to survive. But after some major soul searching and creating my own philosophies on life, I have become anew. I have had some major epiphanies. I know that I will have to live my life with these pains, and every day I feel something horrible and new, and it's scary, but I am accepting that and moving on. I deserve to live my life with happiness and joy, and no stupid illness is going to hold me back from my dreams!

I have definitely learned that I want to be the kind of nurse that believes in my patients. In nursing school they taught us that you should always believe that if your patient says that they're sick in pain, you should believe them. It's appalling to know that so many healthcare professionals don't concur with this training. And because of their apathy and business card handouts to psychiatrists, I now have TWO conditions that affect my entire body. Though it has caused me to be too sick to complete my senior year of nursing school, I know nursing is the career for me and I am going back to get my BSN degree! God has helped me through this illness, he makes sure I wake up every morning, and I believe he will help me use my experiences to advocate for and better understand my patients. I am using my illness as a tool to help others, not treating it as the end-all diagnosis.

I will be triumphant. I already am. Every step I take in the grocery store is even an achievement. (In the beginning of my illness's diagnosis I couldn't even go to the grocery store!) As I embrace my new body I embrace a new way of life, and I have a new positive attitude and some spunk that goes with it! Confidence is key, and I have full faith that my journey will take me to right where I need to be.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this journey. Through the good times and the bad times you have stood by my side and I appreciate it more than words can say. You are all amazing and I cherish your love.

Now go out there and inspire the world!

Chelsea <3

*Today's Happy Thought: OPTIMISM!

Cabbage Therapy Review

Hello fellow Cabbage Patch Kids! I am here to give you my honest opinion and the result of the cabbage therapy I have recently been trying. Have any of you tried it yet? I would love to see what you think of it!

I tried this therapy quite a few times, actually. I think it is best to test a product out multiple times so you can get a more true-to-life answer on how it works. I ended up using cabbage therapy in the evenings for 2-4 hours at a time. I hurt worse at night when it is the end of my day, so that is when I chose to implement the use of cabbage therapy. The length of time the therapy was applied for was basically determined on how bad my pain was at the end of the day - the more intense pain needed the longer amount of time.

I followed the same instructions for the therapy that I gave you all in my previous post. I would apply the cabbage leaves to the desired area and then hold them in place with plastic wrap. I applied my therapy to my upper arms and shoulders, which is where I have been hurting the most lately. Since that is the case, I would sit down and work on paper and computer work because I didn't want to do too much moving and cause the leaves to slide off of my arm. I would then remove the cabbage whenever I felt my pain had subsided.

After multiple tries, I have decided that this is a therapy I would definitely recommend and will continue to use. At first I was very skeptical, as most probably are, but now I am a believer in cabbage! I am going to relate this to Arnica, a lotion I have posted a review on before, because, like Arnica, cabbage therapy works best on muscle pain, not as much on nerve pain. Nerve pain is a special, different kind of discomfort, but when it comes to painful, inflamed muscles the cabbage can really do the trick. This is definitely a cheap therapy that has helped me to sleep through the night on even some of the worst nights. Though this might not be able to cure your sharpest, worst pain, it can dull it down to a manageable level, which is pretty awesome considering it's a vegetable!

The only negative comment I can say about cabbage therapy is that you might smell like cabbage during use. Since your body is about 98.5 degrees, placing cabbage on your body can warm up the veggie and "cook" it slightly to the point where you can smell it, but once the leaves are removed the smell is gone.

I am pleasantly surprised it worked so well; it is a home-remedy that I will be sure to continue. Keeping cabbage around will definitely help me to eat this food more regularly, which is a plus because it is very healthy for you!

Have you tried cabbage therapy yet? If so, I would love to hear how it works for you! If not, go ahead and give it a try! What have you got to lose?!

Thank you guys so much for reading and I will talk with ya soon!

Chelsea <3

*Today's Happy Thought: SPRINGTIME (The trees are green, the flowers are blooming, and the critters are out and singing all day. Pure bliss.)

This is what I love to do on the weekends! I prop up my feet
and enjoy my beautiful backyard! I love this time of year!
[Photo By: Chelsea <3]

Cabbage Therapy

The time has come! Cabbage therapy is finally happening! I found the green cabbage leaves needed to test this therapy out and I am so excited to share my experience with you all! I hope you guys are as excited about it as I am, because I am super stoked!

Cabbage has been used topically and internally throughout hundreds of years in history because of its anti-inflammatory effects. It is supposed to help heal the body and lessen pain. Cabbage therapy has become quite popular recently and has even been mentioned on the television show The Doctors. As a greater number of people are searching for homeopathic-type routes to medicine, these more at-home treatments will easily become popular home remedies for many families. What I am trying to do is experiment with the idea that cabbage fights pain and see if it works as well for me as it does for others.

The cabbage therapy I am planning to test out is the topical therapy, which is when you place the outer green leaves of the cabbage on a painful area of the body to reduce pain. Below are the step by step directions you can follow to try the topical cabbage therapy out for yourself. (All of the photos listed are of me going through the steps too!)

So, here goes nothin'. :) Let's put this cabbage to the pain-killing test!

STEPS TO TOPICAL CABBAGE THERAPY

Step 1: Find a green head of cabbage. The greener the better! (The greener the leaves, the more nutrients and anti-inflammatory factors it contains.)

Step 2: Remove the outer green leaves from the cabbage. Only use the outside leaves because they are the greenest!

Step 3: Pull out a sheet of plastic wrap and place it on a hard, flat surface.

Step 4: Place the cabbage on the plastic wrap.

Step 5: Take a rolling pin, or a similar type object, and roll over the cabbage leaves with firm yet gentle pressure. (I ended up using a can of pineapple juice!) The point to this step is to roll over the leaves just enough until the "juice" is released.
Take note: once you see liquid you must stop rolling, otherwise you will lose too much of the juice and the therapy will be unsuccessful.

Rolling on top of the cabbage leaves.

What the cabbage leaf should look
like once the juice is released.
(It may be hard to see the liquid via photograph.)

Step 6: Place the rolled out cabbage leaves on desired area of the body. Hold the leaves in place for as long as it takes to feel relief. (I am placing the cabbage on my arm and using plastic wrap to keep my leaves from moving.)

Step 7: When the pain has subsided, remove the leaves from the area.

FIN!!

I will give you an update on how well I felt cabbage therapy worked for me after a few trail runs! I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is successful! If cabbage can help relieve my aches and pains, this will be fabulously cheap medicine! ;)

Until next time, go buy some cabbages!!

                                                       Chelsea <3

*TODAY'S HAPPY THOUGHT: Organization
(Nothing feels better than knowing that everything is put away in its rightful place and your world is tidy and neat.)

I Am Titanium!

My my my. It has been a while since we have last spoken! Happy, late, 2014! I hope you are all doing well and are enjoying the new year!

Cabbage Update: I am still on the hunt for green cabbage. I hope to make a farmer's market trip in the near future. it's about 45 minutes away from where I live, but I am determined to see how cabbage therapy works and to give you guys my honest opinion! So hold tight, I haven't forgotten!

Today I really want to talk about anger. I know for most of you anger is a natural thing. Something happens that makes you frustrated and then you feel anger. Well, I have to admit, anger is one of the most foreign feelings I've ever had in my life! Never do I feel angry! I have always been the type of person who is more sensitive than that, so instead of anger I felt: foolish, embarrassed, frustrated, sad, disappointed, wounded... but angry?! NEVER! Except since this past year when I discovered my illness.

I guess it all comes from the stages of grief. An illness, whether chronic or terminal or short-term, can cause major grief. You have lost the life of good health, sometimes forever, and you then spiral into the stages of grief, which are 1) Denial and Isolation 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression 5)Acceptance.

You would think that after over a year of knowing and understanding my illness that I would be at the acceptance stage by now, and I have to say I am, but for some reason I keep regressing back to stage 2, anger. It's as if all of the anger I should have felt throughout my 24 years of life has all been compacted into one big burst of energy and it just decided to come out now.

I feel like I have the right to be angry!! I had a beautiful life with an amazing future. I was in college, I was in my senior year of nursing school, I had a great potential job at the hospital I completed my externship, and then.. BOOM! It all came crashing down. I suddenly was so sick I couldn't complete school. I had to leave nursing school right before the end of my first semester of senior year, and who knows what the hospital floor I worked on will think about me now. And worst of all, I have to completely START OVER NURSING SCHOOL! And as far as transferring to another college, most likely I will have to RETAKE classes that don't transfer over. Reason for some extreme anger? YES. Undoubtedly.

But in my heart I know that a nursing life is the path God has chosen for me. I want to help others. I want to be someone that can help comfort the sick. I want this profession where you can learn something new every day and touch the hearts of your patients. It is my passion and I'm not going to let anyone, or some illness, stand in my way! Even my doctor believes that I can become a nurse and have a nursing career. I will be triumphant. They always say that the best things in life are those worth waiting for, and no matter how long it takes me, I know nursing will be worth waiting for.

Sometimes you must take your anger and expend its energy upon something entirely different than yelling and throwing fits, like I have used mine to empower myself and guide me towards my destiny - nursing.

I have just applied to a college near my house and, I am happy to announce, I have just received my acceptance phone call from the office of admissions! Whoo-hoo! I will have to take a few pre-nursing courses and core classes, but I am already on my way. I am not accepted into the nursing program yet, but all I can do is push forward and tackle school one class at a time. It's not time to get apply for the program yet, so I'm just staying focused on the present. I am tired of watching life move on with me in a rut at home. I'm ready to get going and make things happen! I plan on working harder than I have ever worked before because this is my life, and I want it back!

Never lose hope. And never let an emotion take over your life. Use your emotions as fuel for the better side of you to shine. If you do that, you will succeed, one little challenge at a time.

Until next time, STAY STRONG! Xoxo,

                                    Chelsea <3

Today's Happy Thought: SNOW DAYS (We just had ours in Georgia. Snow makes everything more magical!)

I took this photo in our front yard. Thought it was beautiful!
(Photo used from my Instagram.)

Nopalea, Detox Diet, Medical Testing, and Cabbage - Oh My!

    Hello everyone! My oh my, do I have a lot to catch you up on! I have had many medical tests done, tried some new therapies, and of course have my opinions of them all! :)

    First off, I am officially off of the Nopalea challenge. I didn't feel a significant benefit from the juice drink. Physically, I felt about the same. Actually, about a week after I started the regimen I became severely nauseated. It was to the point where I almost couldn't stomach to eat dinner each night. I kept telling myself that it was probably just from my pain, but after I had taken the Nopalea for a month, I realized that I shouldn't be having pain. I went off of the Nopalea, and my nausea magically disappeared. I believe that I was sick from the Splenda sweetener used by the manufacturer. Evidently many people cannot handle artificial sweeteners other than sugar, especially if you have an Eastern European background. My father and I cannot eat it, so I guess it's all in the genetics for us.     Nopalea was quite a money strain, so it is kind of nice to be off of it. Four bottles were $140, and that lasted about a month, so it really broke the bank. My suggestion to anyone out there who wants to give it a try is to do it if you wish, but start with just one month. It might work for you, but it surely didn't work for me, and even added extra burden to me physically.

    I was on my detox diet for about three months. I was very run down from it. My body had no energy without having the carbs I was used to having. I had to eat a lot of rice, such as rice flour and rice milk, to substitute for the items taken out of my diet. Part of the detox diet was gluten free, but majority of the gluten free options could not work for me because I still couldn't have sugar, dairy, or soy products. Most of the gluten free products out there are made with potato starch and soy, and since I couldn't have either of those in my diet my gluten free foods variety was extremely limited. I like to call the detox diet a Paleolithic-like diet. Paleolithic diets are all about eating things as close to the earth as possible, so nothing processed. It is supposed to mimic the diet that those of our fore- fathers in the Paleo era would eat - so veggies, meat, and roots.

    Though the detox diet was extremely difficult with all of the limitations I had, it was also a very positive experience for me. The diet really helped me to start over and add foods back to see what made me sick. I found that spicy foods, peppers, and caffeine were all negative foods for me. They each triggered me to feel sick. With my nerve problem, it is very good not to drink caffeine because it can cause painful and abnormal nerve firing. I am proud to say, since I first started the detox diet, I have had no caffeine to drink. I was addicted to Coke while in nursing school, so this is a MAJOR deal for me. I actually feel better by making healthy drink choices. The diet also helped me to make healthier food choices too. Really thinking about what you put in your body as fuel is important, and this diet helped me to evaluate and change all that I was doing wrong.

 

    I also had a ton of medical testing done on me. My tests showed that my immune system is very low and I am more susceptible to illness at the time. In fact, one of my tests showed that I have an extreme amount of Candida (yeast) in my body. I also have Streptococcus in my system as well - yes, the same stuff as strep throat! It is really scary to think about how sick I have been, but it's scarier to know that the reason I have been is because my body is not performing the way it should. Right now I am really trying to fix my body's deficiencies and boost my immune system.
    I went to the dentist and my doctor was completely alarmed by my x-rays. My always perfect teeth had about 10 washed away spots where the enamel has been impaired. I was beyond distressed. My dentist told me that when you go on as many medications as I have and have such a drastic change in health as I have encountered that all of the chemicals in the body change, even down to the saliva in your mouth, and that’s what caused this. I have some of the best oral hygiene habits out of everyone that I know, but not even flossing every night made a difference, and that just scares me. I am now on prescription toothpaste and have even more intense oral hygiene routines. I literally take 20 minutes to clean my teeth every night. It just really drives home the point we always learn in nursing school: oral hygiene in our patients is super important. Now I really see just how severely illness can affect overall oral health, even in those who have good habits.
    It is an eye opener for me to see so many physical aspects of my life change since my illness, but I am glad that they can be addressed and rectified, and they were found before they had gotten any worse.

   So there is the 411 on my life up until this point. You might be interested to know about the cabbage therapy I had mentioned at the end of my last post, and I am so excited to tell you all about it! I have yet to try it myself, but I hope I will be able to do it soon and share it my next upcoming entry!
    I had first heard about cabbage therapy from the custodians at my father’s work. What you are supposed to do is find the really dark green leaves of the cabbage, use a rolling pin to roll over the leaves until a sort of liquid seems to release from the veins, and then apply the leaves to the pained and swollen body part. You leave it on for a few hours or overnight and then you should feel the relief! It sounds silly, doesn’t it? Well, believe it or not, I have actually done some research on it and it might be more helpful than one might first assume. It not only helps with aching muscles and pains, but lactating mothers with tender, swollen breasts have been known to use the therapy as well. The benefits of cabbage can even be traced back to the Egyptians! The reason it has been so difficult for me to complete this therapy is because I am having an extremely hard time finding the really dark green leaves of the cabbage. By the time the cabbages get to the stores here, they are delivered with the outer green leaves trimmed away. So at the moment I’m on the hunt for a produce store that might be able to help me!
    Thank you for those that read this extremely long entry. I’m sorry it has been so long since I have posted anything, but now we are all caught up and we can continue on this health-filled journey ahead of us! J And as always, I would love to hear from you! If you have anything to add or have any questions for me, or even have a therapy you would like to talk about, comment away!
Until Next Time,

                  Chelsea <3

*Today's Happy Thought: LOCKS OF LOVE (I just recently donated 18" of my hair to this organization. This was my third time donating and I am sure it will not be my last! I'm just so excited to help a child in need.) <3


BEFORE

 

AFTER

The Detox Diet... [Dun, Dun, Dun!]

    So, my mother has taken me to a homeopathic doctor. I'm kind of skeptical of the homeopathic route, since I have background and training in traditional medicine, but the doctor has placed me on a detox diet, and I'm trying it. What's a detox diet? Well, it is a food plan that gets rid of the foods that cause the most inflammatory responses in the body, for most people. By clearing foods away from your daily diet and drinking plenty of water, it helps to clear the body of unnecessary chemicals and toxins and regain a normal, natural balance. The doctor is going to evaluate how I respond to taking these certain foods out of my diet and also how I do when I gradually bring them back into my diet. Incorporating the foods back into daily meals is the true test as to what foods might be affecting my health, i.e. I get sick when I eat something I haven't had in a while. I am going to list the foods that are taken out of my diet and explain the doctor's reasoning behind each.

    Forbidden foods:

• White potatoes/white rice/pasta... These are not as healthy as sweet potato and brown rice alternatives.
• Any wheat, oat, or grain product - so gluten-free, which means no bread or cereal... Even if you don't have Celiac Disease (have a gluten antigen/intolerance) you can have an intolerance.
• Pork... Because no matter how much you cook it, you can never get rid of all the "parasites and bacteria" from it.
• Anything not organic... Because we want things to be as natural as possible, without chemicals.
• Peanuts... these can cause much inflammation in the body.
• Dairy (except for goat or sheep products)... Dairy from cow's milk is full of antibiotics, which can be harmful to the body.
• Sugar... By substituting for agave or Stevia, you will have a lower glycemic index sweetener with less chemical processing from the original, organic product.
• Soy... This is supposed to cause a higher amount of estrogen levels in women, which can have harmful effects.
• Caffeine... It's a chemical, so it's a no-no.

    I know, that's pretty much everything in the American food pyramid, right? I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it is to shop... or how expensive it is. Did you know that even the dairy-free and gluten-free options have sugar in them? That's probably the hardest thing of all, the no sugar rule. Sour cream, even chicken broth, have sugar in them! I can't believe even regular, gluten-free Chex cereal has sugar! Sugar is in everything!!! No wonder Diabetes is becoming more rampant than ever.. It's amazing to really take a look at the food labels of the products you have always eaten. You should try taking a look, it just might surprise you.
    So I have been eating a lot of corn, veggies, fruit, and meat. Oh, and WATER! Drinking lots of water each day is very important to this detox diet because it helps to cleanse the body. It is just important not to over drink. If you drink too much water, cells can abnormally swell and you can get very sick. It is also not good to overload your heart with too much fluid, which can cause blood pressure to rise.
    I have been on the detox diet for a week now. I have a few simple tests to run before I go back and see the doctor, so I will be on this diet until that next visit. So far, I have felt extremely run-down and tired on this diet. I have even been feeling a little sick. I have actually been in bed all weekend and have been feeling too exhausted to really accomplish any of my chores. Not sure if this is a common side effect of this diet or not, but it has definitely not been the most pleasant. I hope it is just my body adjusting to the change.
    In the meantime, I will keep you updated on what's happening with the diet and any new discoveries I may come across. I actually just heard an NPR radio newscast about how, over time, gluten-free diets can be hazardous to your health if you do not have Celiac Disease (gluten intolerance). This is because grains are an essential part of a healthy diet, and if you can eat it, you should! People have been getting ill because they have been depriving themselves of grains. All I have to say is, they don't call bread "the staff of life" for nothing!
    This being said, never start a diet, like this detox diet, without a doctor's consent first. Diets like these can be very problematic if the proper care is not taken to fit each individual's needs. Close supervision may be required.
    Have you started a detox diet? Have anything to say about my past entries? Have anything to say about yourself? If so, I would love to hear from you! :)

Until next time, grab some really green cabbage and look for my next post, because we are going to try Cabbage Therapy! And nope, that is not made up!

                                             Chelsea <3

*Today's Happy Thought: DISNEY'S ROBIN HOOD
(It's probably one of the most forgotten animated films Disney has, but I love it! And I think the song "Love" is one of the greatest love songs ever written. <3)

"Love" written by Floyd Huddleston and George Bruns, and sung by Nancy Adams

Love
It seems like only yesterday
You were just a child at play
Now you're all grown up inside of me
Oh, how fast those moments flee

Once we watched a lazy world go by
Now the days seem to fly
Life is brief, but when it's gone
Love goes on and on

Love will live
Love will last
Love goes on
And on and on

Once we watched a lazy world go by
Now the days seem to fly
Life is brief, but when it's gone
Love goes on and on

For My Little Lady

    It is overdue that I write to you this entry. The good thing is I have been feeling pretty well and have been doing a little bit more than usual. The bad thing is that my being occupied keeps me averted from blogging. But never fear, because I am now back! :)
    I want to tell you about my Valentine's Day. Yes, Valentine's. You might be one of those people who thinks Valentine's is all about boyfriends and girlfriends and pretty jewelry, or that it is about Hallmark and all other major gift companies and their ways of earning money. You may be indifferent, but I have to tell you, Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays.
    No, I do not have a boyfriend, and I don't believe this holiday is reserved for only significant others. No, I don't believe it is all about companies making big bucks, well, probably no more than any typical day. To me, Valentine's is a day to show who we love and care about why we love and care about them. Sure, you might love them every day, but everyone needs a special moment to feel appreciated and know that they are important in someone's life.

    I am dedicating this post to my beloved baby girl, my Lady Kensington. Kensea, for short, was my sweet and adorable Samoyed. The Samoyed, also known as Sammy, is a breed of dog that is known for living in cold environments and is highly used for snow sledding. They have white, fluffy fur and are considered a medium-sized dog.
    I had wanted a dog for such a long time, and finally, the summer of my fifth grade year, I had saved up enough money to get the dog of my dreams, a Sammy. I had researched dogs for months, even visited different breeds of dogs to get to know their personalities, but when I came across the Samoyed in my research, I knew that very moment that no dog would be more perfect for me. I didn't even have to meet a real one first. So we went to a reputable pet store and they helped us find a certified Samoyed breeding agency. After a few clicks on his computer a discovery was made. A litter of Samaoyed puppies was just born May 7th, 2001, and that was the one we went for. After a phone call it was all set; we were getting the runt of the litter, a little girl puppy with, as the breeder put it, "the liveliest and cutest personality of the litter."
    At that time we had a cat named Purrsea. We had loved the fact that my name was ChelSEA and our cat's name was PurrrSEA, so we thought that the dog's name should have a -SEA in there too. Chelsea is actually a place in London. We have some friends from London and they helped us name the dog, and they suggested Kensington, based off of Kensington Palace in London. It was the perfect fit. And best of all, we could call her KenSEA for short.
    That momentous summer day I could barely stand it as I ran into the pet store, because my precious puppy had arrived, on an air conditioned truck all the way from Nebraska. And she had a spotted belly and little pink bows in her hair. She had the most gorgeous eyes you have ever seen, the softest fur you had ever felt, and the sweetest smile that could make a million hearts melt. And she was mine.
    For my 11th birthday I had a puppy shower instead of a birthday party. We had everyone bring us puppy items we would need instead of birthday presents and our cake had me and Kensea on it. We went to the pool and had doggie paddle races and everyone got a doggie bag full of fun treats to go home with. It was precious! We even ate out of dog bowls! Everyone loved Kensea, and Kensea loved everyone. She was always such a sweet and caring little pup.
    Kensington was always so regal and classy. She looked like a little lady, a Lady Kensington. Her named fit her as perfectly as she looked; she exuded royalty. And even bigger than her adorable little face was her amazing personality. Samoyeds are the only dogs known to leave their pack for a human, and this definitely showed when it came to Kensea. She was loyal, loving, and ever affectionate. She loved and accepted everybody for who they were. Kensea has never had a bite or growl in her.
    And one thing she loved more than anything in this world was our cat Purrsea. That cat was almost like her mama. She grew up with him. Purrsea ended up getting very sick. He was an orange tabby, and they are very prone to getting vaccination cancer, and unfortunately he developed it. After therapy he got very sick and ended up developing fatty liver disease, which essentially replaces liver cells with fat cells. He was not able to survive, so we had to put him down. One of the saddest days of my life, it was devastating. After much thought, we decided not to let Kensea see the burial of our cat. Every day after Purrsea's death, Kensea would go outside, stand at the top of the yard, and stare in either direction, as if she was looking for something. I have always believed she was looking for Purrsea.
    Kensea was my baby girl. I loved her more than air. We would go everywhere together, and the days we went nowhere, we stayed inside and cuddled together. She was my best friend. She brightened my day whenever I saw her. One of the hardest things I had to do was leave her for college, but you better believe that sweet little girl would run up to the car whenever I would get home! She was always so happy and full of life.
    Kensea started getting really sick, and she was diagnosed soon after with liver cancer. Devastated, we decided to take no action. The mass was the size of a tennis ball by the time we got to it. It was a ferocious, fast-growing cancer, and after what we went through with Purrsea, we didn't want our Kensea to go through that too. Sometimes living your life the way you want to is better than therapy that can kill you.
    Soon Kensea was throwing up everything that she ate and we just knew; today was the day. It just happened to be Valentine's Day. We had someone from the vet come out and put her down. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I lost my life that day. Though it was devastating, it was also quite appropriate that she passed on Valentine's Day. It was the humane thing to do and showed her our love for her; to be free of pain and suffering that was never going to end. More importantly, the meaning of Valentine's Day is who Kensea was. Her whole personality was sweet, caring, loving, and she strived to show the ones she loved her unfailing love. I wish to live a life like she lived hers, with such a big, open heart full of so much compassion.
    Even now, a year from her passing, I miss her so badly. I still think of her multiple times a day, but I know that she is in a better place now, and she has finally made it home to her Purrsea. Kensea will always be my little Lady, forever my Valentine.

  
    In honor of Kensea's life, my family and I have decided that we are now going to have an annual Kensea Valentine's dinner. We wanted it to be special and personal, and I think we customized it to her personality perfectly! The following pictures are what we had for our menu, and plan to have every Valentine's holiday:

Since I would call Kensea my pumpKENS,
we had homemade pumpkin soup for our appetizer.

Kensea just adored chicken! And she loved things that were crunchy,
so our entre was crunchy corn flake chicken. She would have loved this! :)

When Kensea was just a small puppy and teething, we gave her frozen carrots to
chew on to ease the pain. We thought that carrots would make the perfect side.

Kensea had such a sweet tooth! She loved her Frosty Paws dog ice cream and
little bites of banana, so our dessert was vanilla ice cream with banana slices.

    It was perfectly delicious! :) The only thing that was missing was her.
Until next time, may we remember the ones that leave footprints, and pawprints, on our hearts, for they are the ones that make life worth living.

                                Chelsea <3

*Today's Happy Thought: SPECIAL MEMORIES
(The joyful ones that make your heart all warm and fuzzy.)